CLICK HERE for the full version of the plan. However, it would be best to read this page first.
Some time in the late ’20s or early ’30s, Dr. Dorothy Spencer conceived the idea of settling domestic misunderstandings in her home based on giving and receiving ” carefully regulated ” corporal punishment. Her idea was to establish a system of ” cooperative discipline ” that would sincerely benefit the party at fault and prevent all serious trouble by furnishing a ” definite, fair and effective method of adjustment. ”
She reported, in 1936, that the plan was a ” wonderful success. ” More than 60 years later, I think it still offers some sound ideas that couples can use to enhance their relationship, and that can be very useful in the context of a relationship between a woman (or man) and a disciplinarian, with whom (s)he is not romantically involved, as well. I expand upon some of the elements of this plan, both in my own words and in Mrs. Spencer’s, below.
The key to the use of spanking in this context is to administer punishment in a timely manner and then move forward with a clean slate. This heads off the possibility that one or the other person will be withholding, or let anger sit and gnaw at him or her, which is likely to lead to potentially ugly fights and ongoing tension. As Mrs. Spencer says, ” The couple that has every difference out when it arises is not likely to build up an antagonism that can be settled only in the divorce courts. ”
In order for this plan to work, the two people have to agree on a list of causes. As we’ll see later, this list goes into something resembling a contractual agreement. You can get specific about relative severities if you’d like, or you can leave that up to the discretion of the person administering the discipline, but the important thing is to negotiate what constitutes a punishable offence. This term can cover a wide variety of things, but I find the following guidelines useful :
A cause should involve some behaviour that the spankee is genuinely interested in moderating or changing (for example smoking). The list shouldn’t have more than a few items. If you object to lots of different things that your partner does, domestic discipline won’t go very far in addressing the root of the problem.
Punishment spankings are meant to be fairly serious. As such, you’ll want to define your causes in such a way that discipline sessions occur with a frequency that will be effective without being overwhelming. This doesn’t mean that you need to establish specific times for discipline, although that can be very effective (For example : Friday night, after work but before the weekend has started). It means that you need to find a good balance so that the spankee has time to absorb the lessons from one spanking before finding her(him)self in the midst of another one.
For instance, say that your partner has a problem with being rude in public. You could focus your list of causes on the ways this rudeness manifests itself. Being insulting to a stranger (say, a waiter in a restaurant), to a friend, and to you in front of others would all justify punishment spankings, to be administered as soon as the two of you were alone. (Telling your partner what (s)he can expect may help mitigate the situation in the short term, as (s)he contemplates what’s going to happen. Whether you share that with others is up to you !)
Once the list is in place, you need to live up to the agreement on a consistent basis. In other words, if your partner commits an offence, (s)he’s going to be punished, no matter what. She(he)’ll lose respect for the arrangement–and, chances are, for you–if you don’t follow through each and every time. The goal is to establish a negative effect for each cause on your list, and that effect simply must result for the plan to be effective. Along those lines, it’s important that the spankee not argue ; rather, (s)he should accept the fact that (s)he deserves discipline, and act accordingly.
Rules and regulations
Care must be taken not to bruise the flesh, raise welts or injure the body in any way. The punishment should continue long enough, however, to be truly effective and to impart a beneficial lesson. A spanking must never be administered in anger. Wait until both parties are calm and it can be carried out properly. The spanking over, the incident must close. To hold anything against a punished partner, after a spanking has been given, is in direct violation of this whole method of correction. Request punishment must be given. It is not enough to take the discipline without fuss or argument when our punishing partner feels we should have it — we must also ask for it, when we know or feel that we deserve it.
The punishment should be inflicted on the bare skin. To do the job properly, a constant observation of the skin must be maintained.
Spencer doctrines call for the prompt acceptance of the discipline. There must be no argument — no protest — no pleading to be let off — no hard feelings about it.
Note that Mrs. Spencer also insists that a woman should only be spanked by hand. I disagree with this notion, especially if you and your partner also engage in more obviously erotic spanking activities. I suggest that you designate one instrument, such as a traditional hairbrush or small paddle, for use only in the context of punishment spankings. (Of course, there’s no reason not to use more severe implements as appropriate. Please, though, keep in mind that you need to be careful not to cause any real harm.) The original implements, to be used on the man, were a strap and a wooden paddle.
A punishment spanking should result in the spankee reaching a point at which (s)he’s genuinely sorry for their behaviour. This doesn’t translate well into a certain amount of smacks, or a certain length, for a given offence, but the following tips might be of use :
Ritual is important with regard to domestic discipline. Whether you arrange for the spankee to bare their bottom before going over your lap, or you take all of their clothes off while (s)he’s standing in front of you, or (s)he goes across fully dressed and you prepare him(her) yourself, or some other variation, you should follow the same routine each time.
Reinforcement is more effective if every detail is in place. (Even if you decide to escalate to a more severe punishment with an instrument like a strap or cane, which is more effective when the spankee is in a position other than over your knee, bent over a chair, for example — I highly recommend that you conduct the main portion of the spanking in the traditional position. The added intimacy is a healthy element of the process.) There are two basic rhythms that one can use in a discipline spanking : consistent and escalating. A spanker can also choose to mix things up, spanking different areas of the bottom, or adopt a left – right – left – right pattern. Any combination, performed with proper technique, is likely to work in a given situation. It’s important to know, though, that if a spanking starts off too hard and/or fast, it can immediately put the spankee in a bad place physically — and emotionally — and the pain will be too distracting for her (him) to be able to focus on why (s)he’s being punished and how (s)he can avoid it in the future. I recommend talking with your spankee as you’re disciplining her(him) as well ; speaking calmly but authoritatively, between sets of smacks, will help them grasp the lesson you’re trying to impart just that much more quickly. (On the other hand,
there’s also something to be said for taking your partner over your knee, baring the bottom, and giving them a relatively brief but effective spanking and then sending them on their way without saying a word, as long as the message is still clear.)
The subject of tears is problematic, to say the least. I think that many women (and some men, but not many) who are interested in being spanked want to cry from a spanking, and that most of this desire is attached to a combination of the physical and the emotional (along the lines I mentioned earlier). All I’ll say on this matter is that it’s likely to be involve trial and error : the two of you need to find out what’s going to work best for you, and it may not fall into place right away. Maybe the spankee feels the need to shed real tears before (s)he feels well and truly punished, or (s)he needs to reach a certain intensity of crying in order to get to that frame of mind — or maybe the idea of crying during a spanking is just not acceptable to them.
Whatever the case is, you should err on the side of caution, it’s better to continue to refine your approach than to punish your partner to the extent that (s)he resents you.
Regardless of how you proceed with domestic discipline, you simply must remember that afterwards, it’s time for a fresh start, and that means ” kissing and making up ” within a reasonable period. This could be right away, with your partner sitting in your lap while you comfort them ; it could be after, say, a certain amount of corner time. Again, you should adopt whatever you think will work for you, and stick with it. No matter what, though, once punishment has taken place, you should again treat your partner as your equal, regardless of the nature of the relationship, with all of the attending emotions that implies.
Extracts from the agreement
As I mentioned earlier, Dorothy Spencer recommended that a couple sign a formal mutual agreement under which domestic discipline would take place. Here are some excerpts from the ” contract ” she proposed, with the word ” partner ” substituted for ” husband ” or ” wife ” as appropriate in this context.
” I, _______, partner of _______, do hereby acknowledge that I have read the Spencer Spanking Plan and approve of the doctrines it advocates. From this date on it is my wish to have my conduct regulated by the enforcement of these doctrines. I give to my partner, therefore, the full right and permission to spank me whenever (s)he feels such discipline would be helpful and be in accordance with the Spencer Plan.
” This Agreement has been entered into willingly — and for no other purpose than to improve my disposition and secure the general benefit that always comes from the enforcement of intelligent discipline. I understand that I will be spanked without fail if I break my promise to refrain from :
[list of causes follows]
I promise to cooperate with my partner faithfully. I will get ready for the punishment promptly when asked to do so and I will bear him/her absolutely no ill will for so disciplining me.
I promise further to ask for spankings when I feel I need them. I realise that Request Punishment plays a highly important part in the Spencer Plan, and I will report and ask for the discipline when I feel I need or deserve it.
I, _______, partner of _______, in accordance with her wishes, as expressed above, do hereby promise and agree to spank my partner whenever I feel such discipline would prove helpful to her(him).
For my partner’s own good, I promise to discipline her(him) without fail whenever any of the causes listed above have been violated
There is also a separate form of agreement, designed for a person living away for home, and a suitable ” Disciplinarian “.
CLICK HERE for a full version of the plan.
Specific Things the Husband Can Do to Maintain Authority
(This is not for the eyes of dominant females !)
Digits and Maryann
(Welcome to our page. We practice and live Domestic Discipline, commonly called DD. We believe that the husband is the boss of the house. There are rules that must be obeyed.
We began this lifestyle as a mean in which to save our marriage. We had tried to have an equal relationship, but found it difficult. We would end up arguing about who was right and who was wrong, who wins and who loses, rather than the issues themselves.
I tried to be the boss of the house, but found that to be exhausting. After coming home from work, the last thing I wanted was to make a ton of decisions. I just wanted to relax. Since my husband was a born leader, he fit right into the role. There are times when I don’t especially like to answer to him all the time, but this was the best solution for us. It has brought about peace in our home, and our relationship grew closer than ever.
The purpose of this page is to share with like-minded individuals.)
The first time I spanked someone, it was not out of erotic play or intent. My then-wife and I were having a terrible argument. Our marriage was almost over — actually it had been for a while. The passion was gone, she wanted me to move out. For a couple of years, sex had been perfunctory at best.
We were in the bedroom. She was being absolutely unreasonable and would not listen to me. Out of sheer frustration, I grabbed her, threw her over my knee and administered a thorough bare-handed disciplining… after which she jumped up, attacked me and tore off my clothes. We had the hottest, most passionate sex we had had in years.
………….. Carson Fitzgerald
DRAFT SPANKING CONTRACT
(Fill out the boxes and print the page. Spankoz is not responsible for what happens next, use at own risk!)
Many women who manage to convince their husband to implement Domestic Discipline in their relationship can become frustrated and angry if they are not disciplined properly. They were expecting to feel positive emotions like love, respect and gratitude after a spanking, but instead they feel only half-spanked, grumpy and frustrated. When this occurs, the woman can begin to worry that the introduction of Domestic Discipline into her relationship has actually made things worse, not better. At least she wasn’t so pissed off at her husband before he became her HOH. Now she feels like she has lost all her respect for him, which worries her a lot. And on top of it all, he is supposed to be the “HOH”, the head of their household. But he doesn’t seem like an HOH. He seems more like a weak man whom she has a lot of difficulty respecting.
A woman’s respect for her HOH can be easily and quickly regained. Even if she perceives his lack of vigor and firmness in disciplining her as a lack of love, she can regain her respect and ultimately, regain the ability to feel both his love for her and her love for him (the love was always there – she just couldn’t feel it properly). It is quite common for a woman to feel unloved (or not loved enough) when her HOH does not discipline her properly – when he does not spank her long enough or hard enough, when he does not succeed in bringing her to tears, or when he does not wrestle her submission and obedience from her and compel her to submit and obey him without question, when he has not humbled her to a point where she feels nothing but humility, meekness and love. In such a case, he has not succeeded in releasing her sweetest feminine energies, because he has held back from unleashing his most powerful and sometimes scary masculine energies. For a woman to feel super feminine – humbled, crying, contrite, shattered, submissive, yet feeling only love for the man who caused her such pain – she needs to be taken to her limits and beyond. A few polite taps on her backside won’t do it – she needs to be really *punished* properly, so that her pride, her arrogance, her more masculine attitudes, are ripped brutally away from her by the pain and shock of her spanking, just like clothes that are ripped from her body, leaving her naked, exposed and totally, undeniably, utterly, feminine. After all, what else can a woman be after she has been stripped naked and corporally punished to the point where she is sobbing and repentant? How can she be anything other than totally, one hundred percent feminine?
And one of the strongest feminine emotions and qualities is love. Love rises like a phoenix from the ashes of a woman’s punishment, from her tears and from her humiliation. It is her natural feminine response to the brutally masculine (but effective) technique of wifespanking. Her HOH presents her with the truth about her misbehavior, because it is a good dose of the truth that she needs in order to change her ways for the better. Then he delivers the consequences (a harsh spanking) which should naturally follow as a result of her misbehavior or bad attitudes. The intensity and noise of the spanking that he inflicts on her is an expression of his masculine energy. Men are generally thrilled by the tumult of sports and war in ways that most women do not understand. So in order to bring out her feminine emotions and cleanse away her masculine errors such as pride and arrogance, he must unleash his own masculine energy on her via the pain and fury of a spanking. If he does not allow sufficiently free rein to his masculine energies, he will not be able to punish her properly. If a man does not punish a woman properly, her feminine energies will be only half-complete. She will feel the desire to experience love but without feeling the desire to give love. She will feel incomplete (because she is) and unable to release the sweet, feminine, yielding love that a dominated, crying, punished woman can give out so easily and naturally. She will feel frustrated because she has only been taken halfway to her feminine goal. She will feel unloved because she has not been taken to that point where love flows from her without effort, naturally and automatically.
Naturally, there are emotional and physical limits beyond which an HOH should not discipline his woman. But any woman who suffers from this lack of adequate discipline in her Domestic Discipline relationship will not be taken anywhere near her limits. She will not be taken within hundreds of miles of her limits. The least of her problems is worrying about her HOH overdoing things. Her biggest problem is not being taken far enough when she is disciplined by him.
Control is another masculine quality that should be expressed by a man during a discipline. He expresses this control by physically controlling the woman – by holding her over his lap and by spanking her. But he also expresses this control by controlling the way he spanks her. If he is tempted to spank her harder than she really needs, he controls this impulse so that he does not hurt her unnecessarily. If he is tempted to get the spanking over and done with too quickly, or if he is tempted to be weak instead of strong when he disciplines her, then he must use his control to override these urges too. A man needs to use self-control not only to avoid spanking too hard, but also to avoid spanking too softly. If he has been spanking her for a minute or two, then starts to feel that it is causing her more pain than he is comfortable with (because he loves her and feels for her), he needs to exert his self control here. He needs to temporarily control his desire to end the discipline prematurely, because the results will be disastrous. He needs to control his urge to stop spanking her and instead, he needs to force himself to continue punishing her until SHE has had enough. He shouldn’t stop when HE has had enough, he should stop when SHE has had enough. And he is the person who is responsible for deciding when she has had enough, not her. It is the man’s self-control that helps him to discipline his woman properly. It is also his self-control that is one of the things that qualifies him to be the HOH, rather than her. His own self-control is one of the qualities that qualify him to spank her, rather than the other way around.
A man’s failure to provide adequate discipline is not the end of the world in a Domestic Discipline relationship. Men need to learn how to discipline a woman just the same as a woman needs to learn how to submit to her man’s discipline. A man needs to learn more about his own masculine energies which are so powerfully expressed during a discipline session, just as a woman needs to understand the flow of feminine energies within her during and after her punishment. Few people are able to harness these energies instinctively. Instead, they have to ask others. Which is why we have things like close friends, discussion groups, websites, blogs and emailing between people who are interested in improving their skills and understanding in the area of Domestic Discipline.
So if your husband is not disciplining you long enough or hard enough, you should not assume that all is lost. You just need to understand that Domestic Discipline is a process of learning, and that he is learning how to discipline you properly. Just because he is not doing it perfectly right now does NOT mean that he will not gradually learn to do so. You need to be patient, and you need to be encouraging and appreciative of his efforts. You also need to practice submission to him in your daily life, so that he feels that his efforts are bearing some fruits. If you continue to misbehave in a consistently bratty or bitchy way, he is unlikely to be very impressed by the results of Domestic Discipline. So you should practice being loving and submissive to him at times OTHER than when he is spanking you. Although it may be difficult for you, it is what you must do if you want the rewards of this lifestyle.
Instead of criticizing him for not spanking you hard enough or long enough, you should try praising him for the spankings that he does give you, even if they are so mild that you feel frustrated and unloved because you have not been properly punished by him. Tell him how much you appreciate his loving guidance, how grateful you are for his firm correction of you, and how you feel so much love when you have been disciplined properly. Even if none of these things are true yet, it doesn’t matter. Say them anyway. Say them often enough and they will gradually become true, because he will start to feel appreciated for his efforts. He will start to feel as though he is getting a handle on the whole Domestic Discipline thing. He will feel as though he is starting to get the results that you need and want. And he will start to see that he is getting benefits that he did not expect either. And all of these things will become real if you allow them to.
If you nag him for not punishing you properly, he will feel like a failure at Domestic Discipline. When someone is made to feel like a failure at something, their desire to pursue that lifestyle quickly evaporates. You need to give him some successes, even if they are not entirely true or real. If you can build up his ego a little, he will feel better about himself and better about his role as HOH. You don’t make a man into an HOH by cutting him down – you do it by building him up. If you want him to be HOH, you need to help him by being more supportive, more encouraging and more submissive.
If things seem to be moving very slowly, you don’t need to worry that things will not eventually improve. In fact, any loss of respect and love that you might be experiencing due to insufficient discipline can easily be erased in a single discipline session. If a man really unleashes his powerful masculine spanking energies to punish his woman properly, if he brings her to tears and makes her really contrite and repentant, he can change her attitude to him in a single session. Even if every discipline session up to then has been disappointingly weak, a single strong, firm discipline can restore the love and respect that every woman wants to feel in her heart. Some couples have been together for 30 years before coming to Domestic Discipline and the women often report that they see their husband through completely new eyes after receiving a single uncompromising spanking from him. As soon as he shows her who is boss, he can change the dynamic in their relationship in the space of a single spanking. Through the power of the spanking, he can replace her doubt and disappointment with love and respect. These are the kind of emotions that any woman wants to feel for her man. No woman really wants to hate and despise her man, at the bottom of her heart. She would much rather love and respect him. Domestic Discipline is a very effective method of achieving that result. Domestic Discipline is an effective way to bring a man and woman together in love and harmony.