From when I was a very little girl, any reference to a spanking made me excited. I’ve always fantasized about being spanked, embarrassed, controlled, and owned, but I thought there was something terribly wrong with me for doing so. I felt ashamed and guilty. I tried to banish the desires, but they always came back. The conflict I felt between them and my feminist ideals compounded my shame and guilt.
I felt so alone. But then, along came the Internet and through it, I discovered there were lots of people who shared similar desires and they were not ashamed of them. I found honest and straightforward information on spanking and dominance & submission. I found stories and pictures. The people from the internet helped me to accept my kink, my orientation, as something completely healthy–different from the mainstream–but normal nonetheless.
The trouble was, though, everything I learned fuelled my need to make my fantasies a reality, but I was afraid to bring them out into the open. I had been married 7 years and I had been keeping a huge secret from my husband. I had been keeping a whole side of myself locked away in fear and shame.
One Spring day in 2011, I felt really courageous. I sat down and wrote my husband a letter. I told him about my fantasies and desires, and the need that I had to experience a spanking and submission. I told him of my fear that he would think me perverted and that he would no longer love me. I stuffed the letter in an envelope along with some information on giving a safe and consensual spanking and a short fantasy that I wrote. I handed him the envelope that evening.
From that moment on, our life together changed. We began a wonderful journey of discovery; full of amazing love, wild passion, and fun. Over the course of time, we incorporated more and more dominance & submission into our marriage, and today I am proud to call my husband, my best friend, and lover–my Master.
Louiza’s Spanking Files is my attempt to share my love of spanking and dominance & submission with you. It is my hope that these pages will give you enjoyment, insight, and support.
With heartfelt gratitude to my Master and all the friends, acquaintances, and strangers who have helped me to find peace, deep love, and great happiness.