Can a woman recognize a spanker?

This is a series of recent postings from  Spanking Queensland  on this subject . It raises some interesting questions for both men and women . Our  FAQ  and  PROSPECTING  pages have more information .


On my last holiday to Bali , I had just returned from a
long, hot, exercise walk, entered a bar in the main
street , and ordered a beer … before I became aware I
was outnumbered by local women .

My first impression , that I might have disturbed a
meeting of the Women’s Temperance Society , was soon
dispelled when my nearest neighbour asked ” You wan ‘
woman ? ”

Having assured her I was just a thirsty gentleman with
no pressing needs , except perhaps an early night , she
kindly desisted .  However, a considerably more feisty
woman , who had observed the drama from the opposite
side of the room began to assail me with invitations
to take the empty seat next to her .

Her long distance attempts at seduction clearly
failing, she flounced across the room , leaned on my
upper thighs , looked me in the face and said ” We go to
your room , we do ticki-ticki ”  When I inquired what
manner of activity this might be , she motioned with
her hands  to indicate …. yeah , that’s
right …. spanking .

I asked if many men wanted ticki-ticki . Her reply
signified ” not really ” .  I asked if she liked
ticki-ticki .  She replied : ” Is alright ” .

So , how the hell did this little seductress know my
weakness , I ask you ????

Just by the way , I have at least two other stories
that similarly indicate some women can pick a spanker
from afar .  What I want to know is , how do they do
it ???  Ladies , please , put me out of my misery .


………… Ryan


What a shame Ryan ….  To bad we women don’t have the same problem you have only in reverse .  Over here we just about have to ” BEG ” for someone to spank us , and then usually never hear anything from the person that obliged us .  This tends to make me believe in the spankers opinion its nothing more than a game to him , or better yet a temporary thrill that once is fulfilled they wipe they’re hands of you like a used condom….

…………….. nob


Either that , Nobby, or we find someone who seems exactly what we want and need . They of course ask us to tell the truth about ourselves and our feelings , needs , etc … then , upon learning the truth … they decide they can’t HANDLE it ! Which leaves us feeling like : is it better to lie and have someone … or is it better to tell the truth and be alone for the rest of time ? I say … the hell with it all . What the f*** made me ever think I could find what I want and need ? WHY can’t I  go back to being vanilla ???? ” No man is an island ”  ??? BULLSHIT … I’m an island out in the middle of the Pacific and no one wants to find me .

……….. katey


Its like : Hi , hello , how are ya … lemme spank ya a bit,  mess with your body and your mind … then toodles … you have too many problems , you need too much commitment and time … yadda , yadda , yadda . Wham , Bam , No thank ya ma’am !
Here … hand me the goddamned bucket …

……….. katey

Either that , Nobby , or we find someone who seems exactly what we want and need . They of course ask us to tell the truth about ourselves and our feelings , needs , etc … then , upon learning the truth … they decide they can’t HANDLE it ! Which leaves us feeling like : is it better to lie and have someone … or is it better to tell the truth and be alone for the rest of time ?  I say … the hell with it all . What the f*** made me ever think I could find what I want and need ? WHY can’t I go back to being vanilla ???? ” No man is an island ”  ??? BULLSHIT … I’m an island out in the middle of the Pacific and no one wants to find me .

……….. katey


Just an observation but perhaps its the ‘ Attitude ‘ or the way one comes across that makes men turn the other way ? I wouldn’t respond to a friend that constantly spoke this way nor would I give a man a second glance that came across this way nor would I expect anyone to want to see the true me that needed them if I came across this way . The feeling is understandable however but for one to attract what we need in life and desire conveying negativity only compounds the problem . Don’t take this the wrong way, its meant to help .


……………….. Mistic


Good observation , Mistic … but one problem . my ” attitude ” was not like this yesterday,  nor the day before . I woke up to a wonderful email from a ‘ dom’  ( no one on the lists , just want to make that point clear ) stating that he couldn’t handle the commitment I would need … like I bloody asked him to marry me or something ! So … here I am…thinking …  GREAT ! I’ve found a local  guy who is willing to train me and to be my Dom … then boing ! he emails me with THAT lovely surprise.  Yeah , its all my attitude .  ‘ Mea culpa . ‘  Gee … maybe its my looks , too ? Or my weight ? How about the fact that I’m stupid enough to buy into this whole business in the first place ?
Or maybe … just maybe … the guy is a chicken shit?


……….. katey


Hey , come on guys .  We don’t always have an affinity with everyone we meet .  There are good mentors and bad mentors just like good and bad people , whatever they may look like .  I’ve never had one myself , but I assume it would be very difficult to establish a relationship with one , so many things to consider .  A lot of them are married,  some are just players , some genuinely want to help and are time limited …. etc etc.   Maybe these types of discussions would be better left in a chat ?  Not trying to diminish anyone’s problems or trials at all and you girls are my friends , but this kind of language and self deprecation doesn’t help anyone , least of all yourselves .  Hugs to both of you .

……….. bran

Sorry Debbie , but my experience is that there are plenty of women who’ll use men online and then dump them after they’ve had sufficient orgasms to get them off to sleep . Luckily I’m a more stoic character than some and have lots of spare time to pursue r/l ladies otherwise I’d have retired to cry into my pillow long ago .

………………. Father Jon of the Spartan Order


Yes Jon , I am sure that happens , I am not saying it doesn’t . CP ers as you call yourselves , are not immune to this sort of thing I am sure .

I think we are talking about different things though . In your world you are looking for and enjoyable experience , where  a spanker and spankee come together just for spanking . That’s great because it’s what you both want . I know it cant extend to friendship , even close friendships but that’s the extent of it . There is no commitments other than what’s been agreed on for the actual event .

We are talking about a relationship , be that mentor/mentoree or a potential romantic relationship . The person comes into your life , and in some cases even controls things as if he would if he were married to you . You usually have everyday contact to discuss how things are going and talk about any problems you are having , when you will meet up next , etc etc . If for some reason it doesn’t work out , then it can be as devastating as a marriage breaking down , just depending on the depth of the relationship .

There is the flip side in our world too , where subs have more than one Dom . This makes it harder for him to help her , when she may be receiving conflicting information from other Doms . He may also spend many hours helping her only to be dumped suddenly when the sub wants that thrill of a new relationship .

Remember Jon we do have the spanking connection as our common ground , but the relationships are very different .

………… Debbie

Hi Ryan … in answer to your question , I do look at men differently than I used to since getting into this spanking business … lol .

I find myself automatically checking their demeanour .  Some men have an authoritative demeanour , a charisma if you will , of strength and discipline .  Men who have been in the armed forces seem to generate this persona .

An arched eyebrow when looking at the lady they are with , a swat to a backside perhaps as they walk to their parked car .  Just little things that I notice .  Of course it doesn’t mean they are a spanker , but it seems likely they could be .

I don’t know how to explain it exactly, but take my boss at work for instance .  I’ve often wondered if he is a spanker .  He is very stern and strict with the kids on the buses , yet not angry .  He has that look at times if I’m late with my paperwork .  He is a very disciplined guy , very authoritative air and from talking with him I know he believes in cp with his own kids .

I find myself checking their lap potential … grin .  Just lots of different things .  Then again , maybe the women who approach you just like to be spanked and perhaps you have a strong , well disciplined demeanour about you that attracts them .  I know I have always felt attracted to strong men .  When I was dating etc , it wasn’t the size of the guy , it was the strength of his personality that attracted me .

And yes , hanging my head …. I liked to push and tease even then just to see what they would do and how they reacted .  Those that reacted with a swat of the ping pong paddle  ( used to play a lot of ping pong lol ) … or threatened a swat to my backside etc or even just got a bit stern with me all attracted me far more than the ones who agreed with me and gave me my way .

So who knows … lol .  Since none us know what your demeanour is like … ( only your rear view . .weg )  it would be hard to say .

Don’t know if this answers your question at all , but that’s my two cents worth .


…………… brandy

Hmmm , this brings a memory back from tenth grade . Sitting at the back of a very large class I could not determine all the words on the black board that the teacher wanted us to write down . I tapped on the shoulder of a 11th grader in front of me that had finished writing the notes needed from the board and asked him to tell me what that last remaining words were on the board that I could not make out well enough . He flashed a brilliant smile and quietly said sure , here I will spell it out . He would say each letter but not go no further till I wrote it each time . He spelled out as I wrote one letter at a time …. s p a n k m e . I actually was not paying attention to what it read until he kept staring at me to read it …. when I did I know I blushed furiously and startled and confused looked up at him where his smile turned to a grin and he made a hand motion of a swat then pointed at me and then nodded his head as if to say you want that … I want to give it to you . At that point I shook my head no turning scarlet red I’m sure and couldn’t meet his eyes ever again out of embarrassment – the embarrassment being that I feared he could tell I had that fantasy though I’d rather die then admit it to anyone back then. Though he was athletic his presence was that of one that demands firm control under his eye . Well I thought Id just relate this as its an amusing memory …

…………….. Mistic

Not like you , Ryan , to hold back , Did you do ‘ ticki-ticki ‘ or not with this lady ???

……………… Jon

No, Jon , Debbie’s right , I don’t pay for it and I don’t like the idea of doing it with someone who says ” is alright ” .

I’d certainly look at a wee trip there myself for some ticki-ticki … ahem , sorry , I mean to help the struggling Balinese tourist industry .

Well , mate , it was a superb deal – it would have been around $au 50 for her to stay with me all night and share my bed … as well as take some ticki-ticki …. and that’s before any bargaining , for which the Indons are famous .  May well have got it all for say $30 .

I don’t think you could count on finding a girl who does ticki-ticki in Bali .  This one found me !  If she is to be believed , she had just come over from Java and needed money or a bed for the night .

I still think its uncanny how she picked my weakness . I had another lady ( Aussie ) recently who told me she instantly knew I was a spanker . But you know what women are like , all instinct and no logic .  Couldn’t get an explanation from her either.


 …………… Ryan