Why spanking makes you smarter!

By JUSTIN MITCHELL

LUCERNE, Switzerland – A whack on the fanny boosts your brain’s ability to store and recall information – and can help college students ace exams, a fascinating new study shows.

Experts at the Lucerne Institute of Psychological Research have found that your brains may indeed be connected with your behind.

A study of 150 college student volunteers found that following some swats on their seats their ability to remember facts increased an average of 38 percent!
Students who were barely passing at the time they agreed to submit to the spankings raised their grade point averages dramatically after repeated blows to their buns.

“We found the adrenalin rates increased significantly during the spankings,” says psychologist Dr. Crispin Heinz.

“And the resulting endorphins used to minimize the pain combined with the adrenalin to effectively open up previously underutilized neural pathways – turning them into IQ hyperlinks!”

“I can’t get enough smack-eroos, especially during finals,” says coed Heidi Lorenz. “I couldn’t sit down to take my tests, but it was worth it. Spanking saved my scholarship!”

The study was undertaken to examine why student test scores have fallen in recent years. A correlation was found between the banning of corporal punishment – such as paddling – and the lowered scores.

With the results in, a movement has begun to stop sparing the rod and students seem willing to submit if it means higher grades.

In addition, “Spanking IQ Parlours” have opened throughout Europe where men and women of all ages are lining up to have their bottoms buffeted with hands, paddles and canes.

“I have more clients than I can handle,” reports professional fanny smacker Hermann Von Stroheim. “I usually ask them to bring lists of important facts or items they have trouble remembering. Then I recite it to them as I firmly toast their tush into a rosy glow.

“Believe me, they have a hard time forgetting!”

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