Comparing female and male spankers

This is a discussion from a Yahoo Group, AuntiesLap on the availability of female spankers. Please join this Group to see the latest messages. Spankoz does not necessarily endorse the opinions expressed below.

How is the ratio of guys wich want to be spanked vs. spankers?

Based on these groups, ratio guys need/want to be spanked to women that are into it is at least 100:1. Being a supply/demand thing, the gals into it are a valuable commodity. If they aren’t treated as absolute queens they sure should be.


LF (man) wrote:

You raise an interesting point Greg. However, it has been my life’s experience that you can promise a wife or g/f the moon… and if they aren’t into it it just isn’t going to fly. I tried this with my first wife for many years until I realized you either are into spanking or you aren’t. Thankfully, the second time around I found someone that is into it as much (perhaps even more) as me. Now I’m not trying to rain on your parade or anything… it is possible to spark interest in someone… just don’t be surprised or too disappointed if it doesn’t have the desired effect


Dolphin wrote:

My first thought here is that if you are having to promise your wife or g/f something in order to get what you want, then either you or they themselves are putting them on the same level as a prostitute. I would think that the mere fact that you enjoy it would be incentive enough, although sadly, that doesn’t seem to be the case in most situations. I mean, it’s not like (for instance) anal sex, which is actually painful for the person who doesn’t enjoy it… spanking someone doesn’t hurt the spanker, and if it brings joy to the spankee, and that spankee is someone you care for (as one would assume a wife or g/f does) then there really shouldn’t be all this hassle. But that’s just my opinion…

Greg wrote:

Interesting observation. Coming from a Dolphin, which are clearly more intelligent creatures than man, I really want to understand this.

Based on the posts, membership etc., sure seems like a lot of women don’t easily come to terms with spanking their mates. Nice if they would, but many/most don’t. Whatever the reason, cultural stigma maybe, or generally distasteful to them, challenging to their perceptions of their role… they aren’t comfortable doing it. And maybe like you say, they would feel like a prostitute doing it, not because of some return, but the opposite, providing a sexual like service without stimulation for them.

So maybe some women would feel more comfortable if the return was sexual/sensual in nature ? Maybe a backrub in return for a spanking, or… well leave that to the reader.

I think you are a female Dolphin ? Would love to hear more of your perspective.



Dolphin wrote:

Yes, Greg, I am a female, a Switch, and married to LF, and we are the owners of this group.

I think there are more female spankers than one might believe, but I also think most of them are in relationships and feel no need to join groups such as these. Others may feel embarrassed about the fact that they enjoy what they do and not want to talk about it. The problem is that there are more men looking for a female spanker than there are female spankers available. This is why so many women are able to make a living acting as paid professional Dommes. And although I have never accepted money for spanking a man (and I have spanked many), I have to say that they are taking a risk and asking for a fee or ” tribute ” is not out of line. After all, in many states spanking an adult is illegal ; it’s considered assault and the ” consensual ” nature has no bearing because you can not consent to assault under the law.
As far as wives and g/f’s are concerned, I think it would be quite acceptable to offer a trade of one sensual act for another, although I would hate to think that either side would insist on being ” compensated ” for giving their partner pleasure. I believe that in a healthy relationship it all evens out anyway.

And therein lies the keyword to many problems, I think. Healthy. See, so many people, especially women (although there are men that fit this description too) have hang-ups about their sexuality, and this makes it difficult for them to explore ” kinks “, even their own.  Most don’t even realize the difference between a kink and a fetish. Sex is still such a taboo subject in our culture that some are scared or embarrassed to talk about it at all, and some will only discuss certain areas.
Look at the spanking community. There are some who insist that they only use spanking for discipline purposes, and become very angry if you suggest they get any sort of sexual thrill out of it. Now I’m not saying it always leads to sex, it doesn’t, especially if it’s just play. I played with quite a few men but I only got sexually involved with one of them, and I married him. 🙂 But I can’t honestly deny that spanking is a physical turn-on, even if I wasn’t attracted to the person I was playing with. And plenty of those men were turned on too (kinda hard for a guy to hide it) but they weren’t turned on by ME, only the act of spanking.

I think if more wives and g/f’s truly understood that whatever happens between two people is great, as long as it’s consensual, there would be little need for these groups.


Greg wrote:

Geez Dolphin, this is no fun, I agree with everything you said.

You were nice enough to provide a bio, I am also a switch, my wife isn’t a spanko, but we have managed to work something out along the lines we have been discussing. We find things she likes, pretty obvious what I like…
Oh ok one exception to something you said, little need maybe, but pics and conversation is so good on these groups, they will always be fun.

As for pros, should be legal everywhere. So few people enjoy their work and some of these gals really do.


Rick wrote:

To Greg and Dolphin, thanks for the excellent exchange on the this topic. I have always enjoyed Dolphins involvement in many groups, and her posts have stayed with me over the years. I’m glad you worked out some agreement with your wife, Greg. My wife and I had an agreement, prior to being married, but she walked away from it soon after we married. She cannot express to me why she cannot bring herself to spank me, all I know is that we have been married for 13 years, and the last 9 have been very difficult for me. I must seek spanking elsewhere and I had to battle all the guilty feelings that came with paying someone for it. I won’t go on with my story, as people have heard it before, but thanks again for your written expressions, you are both excellent writers.



LF wrote:

I have lived the life you are living Rick. My EX pretended to be into spanking most of the time we were dating and a couple of years into our marriage. Then she suddenly decides ” it just isn’t for her “. That was not what ultimately ended our marriage of course, but after many years of frustration it certainly didn’t help to stop it.



Spanking Life on Comparing Male And Female Spankers:

At this stage, we would like to add a few comments to this ongoing discussion, firstly our VANILLA Page deals generally with rasing the subject of spanking with non spanking partners and more information is on our FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS Page.

In fact, male / female spanking is the hardest ” MIX “ of adult spanking to have non spanking partners understand. This may be because it goes against the idea of male dominate relationships, the concept of female nurturing, inflicting pain on another person, etc..

As we see it the subjects which should be considered are (this is for F/M, but applies to all) :

  • Why he has a need to be spanked, this needs to be fully explained and questioned.
  • How the spanker feels about doing it.
  • The practical aspects, the AMIANCE (  CLOTHING ,  POSITION , LOCATION , IMPLEMENT etc.).
  • It is a good idea to get additional information from sites such as ours at this time, but be wary of sources (and friends) who have no understanding of this subject.
  • Try it ! (Maybe several times, listen to his ” feedback ” and make adjustments, a few examples of the results of these ” trial ” spankings are below. )
  • Now that all that is involved is understood, be prepared to commit to spanking him ” until death do us part “, or as agreed. Do not use this as an encouragement to enter into a relationship if it is not ” your thing “.
  • If you do not want to spank him, consider someone else doing it, with your consent, etc. The worst situation is where it is done ” behind your back “.
  • Whatever your position is, make it clear to him. He has revealed a very private part of himself to you and you owe it to him to be completely honest in conveying your feelings in reply.




The agreements for these spankings may be formal (see SPANKOZ PLAN and SPENCER PLAN ) or informal as outlined in this Yahoo Group posting :

A number of people have written recently saying spankings take place for not doing household chores — or another guy wrote it was foreplay. I read thru a number messages and it seems to me there are as many reasons to get spanked as there are couples – perhaps. In our case it has nothing to do with chores or certainly not related to foreplay. It is my very ‘ bad moods ‘ — which seem to stem from work —  or perhaps I just go into a rotten mood every so often. Usually my wife can get me out of such a mood by talking it out or otherwise encouraging me. Sometimes when she has really tried and can not change me — she takes the opposite role — and I get my bare butt paddled hard over her knee. Once she has made up her mind — there is no time for me to promise change – or beg off. – I am going to get paddled and its going to hurt plenty. I take a quick shower and get it wringing wet. It always works — things get back to normal right away — my mood and conduct change fast when I have been paddled hard. If it is pent up stress — I may actually cry — I do not think from the spanking — but from the stresses that got me paddled in the first place. Sometimes I cry — sometimes not —- No one knows about my getting paddled.

Thanks, Vic

1 Comment

  1. I’ve been married to my wife for 9 years and we’ve been together for 14 years. She used to spank me a lot and now she hardly does it. Don’t get me wrong when she was spanking me often my attitude changed. Now she hardly ever does it. We have talked about seeing a professional and seeing if they can disiplain me and she thinks she needs to learn how? Does anyone have any suggestions that could help us in this case?

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