Spanking questions

How to convert a man to domestic discipline

From: jackie


I am in a relatively new relationship. Although we have been friends for awhile we have just been a committed couple since November. My fiancé was vanilla until we met. Although he loves spanking me, and is very good at it, he is very much afraid to do so in a disciplinary manner. I am not overly interested in spanking sexually. I honestly believe in the male spanking the female for disciplinary reasons. My fiancé is not in any way a violent man. He is quite loving and gentle. He just told me this weekend that he would not spank me when he is angry with me. This is the first time he said this clearly. I told him that if abuse is not in his character he will not lose control during discipline. Am I wrong? Is it possible to work this out? I am 45 years old and this will be my second and I hope last marriage. I want it to be right for both of us and disciplinary spanking is important to me. Could it be my partner is truly “vanilla” and not a true spanker? Any thoughts?



Luiza’s answer


You ask a really good question. I think your fiancé can learn to see your need for disciplinary spanking as part and parcel of the same spanking kink that makes you like the play ones.  In this sense, the discipline spankings are play but they’re disguised as real discipline and they occur when discipline issues arise.  Since it would be unfair and unacceptable for a man to spank a woman completely against her will, the fact that it is your will should (hopefully) make discipline spanking feel more acceptable to him.

In my own relationship, Andrew and I decided that “real” spankings were so much at the heart of our kink that we wanted to just agree up front that they would be woven into the larger fabric of our intimate relationship.  We’ve discussed this in great depth so that we can understand the underlying emotion and ensure that there are no hurt feelings.  I don’t think he’d ever be able to do it otherwise (since he’s a gentle, loving, man – – but don’t be fooled… he CAN spank!).

It may take some time but your sweetheart will come to trust that you want a spanking discipline dynamic in your relationship because it’s sexy and romantic and makes you feel loved and cherished and it feels good to think about it even if it makes your fanny sting like blazes when it’s happening.   In my opinion, the craving that you have for discipline spankings comes from a sexual place in your head.  Even the most vanilla husband or boyfriend can understand and appreciate a sexual need and is probably more eager to respond to it than a vanilla wife.   I’m certainly not an expert on this subject but I’ve given it considerable thought and these are my conclusions.


How can I make my husband spank me more?

From: Patty

Hi, I need help.  My husband has spanked me before for discipline reasons but he seems to have come up against a roadblock.  I have asked for spankings for very definite offenses and he just seems to not care.  I know that he is a very gentle man but he definitely wants to be the head of the household.   That is fine with me but how do I get him to act on that?  I am running out of ways to explain to him that it really matters to me and that I need for him to discipline me when necessary and not wimp out.  Any suggestions?

Lady Layne’s answer:


It seems as if your husband just isn’t as motivated to spank you as you are to accept the spanking.  This isn’t hard to understand since we’d probably not be as motivated to be spanked if it wasn’t a kink we find really attractive.  Like I said in my post to Jackie, you might have more success if you tied your spanking enthusiasm into something your husband could see as benefiting him sexually.  For example, if you were more aggressive with love-making after a spanking or if you treated him in a way he found sexy (like being submissive?) after he spanked you.  Eventually, it might help him to want to use the spankings in a more controlling manner (which seems to be what we ladies like ) and his own sexual interest in it could develop.  Sex and desire is a powerful motivator!