Q: Why do some people like spanking? Is there something wrong with them? Why do some people get sexually aroused just fantasizing about spanking and the accompanying role-playing games in office situations, parent/child or student/teacher scenarios ? What does this all mean?
A: Many people who like spanking as part of their sexual play have probably learned to enjoy it in response to experiences they had while growing up. There’s really nothing wrong with them; it’s just an activity that carries sexual charge for them. They usually find the buttocks (either their own or those of another) a sexually provocative area of the body.
The role playing that typically accompanies interest in spanking may be a re-enactment of an experience that actually occurred. That’s why parent/child and student/teacher are commonly selected scenarios. The people who enjoy these roles may have actually been spanked by a parent or by a teacher (back when that was permitted).
But spanking happened to many people. So why do only some desire to include it in their sexual interactions? Sometimes when a person feels he was unjustly punished with a spanking (particularly one that occurred in front of others) and he experienced embarrassment or shame from it, he will associate sexual feelings with the experience in order to lessen the negative impact. This association usually occurs shortly after the spanking, but sometimes doesn’t kick in until the person is an adolescent or adult.
Of course, this is not done consciously. Instead, people link these experiences and feelings without planning, as a means of coping with their situation.
But why, you might ask, would someone link his or her sexual feelings to something painful like spanking?
Since sexual arousal feels good, it’s a way of minimizing the physical pain of the spanking. Sometimes this connection between spanking and sexual arousal occurs in response to a single traumatizing event. For others it’s built over time as they are repeatedly subjected to spankings as punishment. There’s no way of knowing or predicting how any one person will be affected by childhood spankings, nor even of definitively knowing how any one person came to develop a sexual interest in spanking.
Still others have eroticised spanking (especially as the spanker) because they witnessed a spanking and felt sexually aroused, sometimes merely as a coincidence. For those people the linkage is usually not a strategy for coping with emotional pain.
Some people like to have spanking included as part of every sexual experience they have. Others just consider it an occasional fun and arousing thing to do. How a preference for spanking fits into a sexual relationship depends on one’s partner. If the partner likes participating in the complementary role (i.e., being the spankee for their spanker), then there’s usually no difficulty with that aspect of their sex together. When two people lack those complementary desires, however, problems can easily occur.
This is usually in the form of one labelling the other’s interest in spanking as somehow wrong. My hunch is that you have had some involvement with someone who likes some aspect of spanking, and that it just doesn’t have any erotic charge for you.
If this is true, you are faced with a challenge that everyone in couples eventually faces — how to participate in something that isn’t sexy to you. If you want to go through with it, my main recommendation to you is: Focus on your partner’s arousal and enjoy it. Look at the expressions of excitement that you see and run with those. Let the activity be just a part of the sex, rather than the main focus of your attention. If you really care for your partner, you may find that spanking activities become pleasurable for you in a way you didn’t expect.