One of the fundamental features of a Domestic Discipline marriage is that husbands are responsible for setting rules and guidelines, and delivering correction if those rules are broken.
There are a variety of punishments that can be used within a CDD or DD marriage – time out, writing assignments, and more (which I will blog about soon). One of the most common consequences – and most controversial – is spanking.
Spankings are a common consequence in (Christian) Domestic Discipline marriages because they work! Spankings are intense enough to serve as a major deterrent, yet cause no lasting damage. They are significant enough to get the point through, while quick enough to put the issue to rest quickly.
Why write this post?
One of the interesting things I’ve noticed since starting this blog is the sheer volume of incoming Google traffic from people searching for advice on how to deliver a spanking in a (Christian) Domestic Discipline marriage.
Every couple is different, and as you progress in your Domestic Discipline marriage you will figure out what works best for you. This post is intended to serve as a starting point to help you along your journey.
How to Spank Your Wife
Before the Spanking
Once you have determined that your wife has earned a spanking, the most important task at hand is getting both of you into the proper mindset.
Your goal is to be calm, purposeful, and resolved. You should never deliver a spanking when you are angry or upset. At the same time, once you’ve decided that a spanking is due, it is important that you do not allow yourself to be talked out of it. Your goal for your wife is that she be reflective, remorseful, and surrendered during the punishment.
In the heat of the moment initially after a rule is broken, neither of you are likely in the right state of mind. You are likely to be annoyed, angry, or upset. She is likely to be argumentative and quarrelsome.
An effective way to allow both of you to get into the right state of mind is by beginning the session with a brief time out. This time out should occur in the same location where the spanking will occur – I recommend your bedroom unless there is some logistical reason that makes this impossible.
In our house, this means that before a spanking punishment my wife will go stand facing the corner in our bedroom to quietly reflect on whatever rule she broke, while I spend time in prayer and preparation. After about 10 minutes has passed, I will calmly ask her to explain to me why she is about to be punished. If I receive a snarky, argumentative, or dismissive response, I’ll leave her there for another 10 minutes and try again. But in most cases, that first 10 minutes is plenty of time to get attitudes in check and allow us to both be in the right state of mind.
At this point, retrieve your wife from the corner and walk her over to where the spanking will occur. Prior to the spanking, you should bare her bottom – lifting up her skirt or lowering her pants (depending on what she is wearing), and then lowering her panties so her bottom is completely bare.
Next, guide her into position for the spanking. We normally use the classic over-the-knee position, where I will sit on the edge of the bed or in a chair, and then drape her over my lap. This position is highly recommend as it places your wife’s behind in the perfect position while also allowing you to easily keep her in position once the spanking begins.
At this point, your wife is in position with her bottom barred. Take advantage of this opportunity to deliver a brief lecture about the importance of whatever rule was broken, and why the forthcoming punishment is deserved. Once you are satisfied that you point has been made, the spanking begins.
Starting the Spanking
Everyone is different, and has a different level of pain tolerance. Some women can hardly stand a few slaps on the bottom, whereas others require a firm paddling to get the point across. Over time, you will develop a sense of what is effective with your own wife – but until that point, I recommend a progressive hand spanking that gradually increases in intensity.
Begin by striking your wife’s butt with your hand, using about 1/4 of your strength. Alternate cheeks, delivering a smack every couple seconds. Gradually increase the intensity until you reach a point where your wife is reacting to each swat.
After a few minutes, stop and take stock of the situation. Depending on your wife’s pain tolerance, it might be time to end the spanking, or it might be time to grab an implement like a hairbrush or wooden spoon to continue the spanking with more intensity.
Your goal is to continue spanking until you are confident that the lesson has been learned and that the behavior is unlikely to repeat itself.
Once you are satisfied that the spanking has been effective, you should transition from disciplinarian mode to comforter mode. Cuddle with your wife, use affirming words, and be there for her as she processes. Once you are satisfied that both of you are back in your normal mindset, gently remind her that you don’t expect her to break that rule again, and that all is forgiven – and mean it!